Thursday, February 28, 2008

A valley

Greetings readers (if there are any),
I have hit a rough patch (and lucky me, only 2 weeks in)! I have a feeling this weight loss journey is going to be a loooong one (or atleast seem that way).
I am just expecting to see instant results and when I don't I feel like I am doing something wrong or that it will take FOREVER to get to where I want to be. I am getting angry at skinny people and even fat people who enjoy being fat because I have to watch them eat whatever they want while I feast on a spinach salad everyday. I know this is all for the best, and I know it's really not all that difficult when I think about what good it is going to do for me and my future, but I just really wanted and needed to bitch today- so I am.

I hardly feel like writing more right now. On the positive side though- I am doing well with working out and eating right. I am just getting frustrated because I realize it's going to take a while before I get where I want to be. I feel like my life is on hold. Thankfully, I am taking the right steps to get to a place where I feel in control and fully alive. I pray God will continue to replenish my spirit and show me that nothing worth while is easy, and that His plan for me if GREAT.

For now,
Phat teacher

Monday, February 25, 2008

Who is the Phat Teacher?

I was so excited today to sit down and type up an official blog. My entry from last night was fluff; it’s time to give my adoring public some substance. So, I guess I will just throw caution to the wind and do this thang!
I am a 24 year old high school english teacher living in sunny Florida. I moved here about 2 year ago from Ohio. I was graduating college and I needed to find a job. Teaching in Ohio is not an easy task if you don't have a cert, so my boyfriend (at the time) and I decided a move would be "cool." He had friends in Florida, I had money, so we packed up my 86 Buick and drove the 16 hour journey to a new life. Looooooong story short- we broke up and he had to move back to Ohio since he was a 26 year old parasite and couldn't fend for himself. (Not angry, I swear!) So I was "stuck" in Fla, alone, with nothing but an amazing job to call my own. I never thought about moving back to Ohio; I loved my job too much. Looking back, that was one of the best decisions I ever made. So, enough about me, personally. How about my F.A.T.?

Well, I was thinking about my life today as my students were working on punctuation. I was trying to figure out what punctuated my current weight- was there one particular moment things went south?
I realized that I have always been a bigger woman. Even at my skinniest, when I lost 40 lbs before high school, I was still a size 14. I don’t ever expect to be much smaller than that; my build wont allow it. What troubles me is how far I have let myself go over the years. Why didn’t I stop myself when I gained 10lbs? 20lbs? How did I get to be 100 lbs heavier in ten years? I have to be honest with myself and admit that most of my gain happened in the past 2 years. During this time- and I don’t know how- I completely lost track of my weight. I didn’t get on a scale, I continued to buy bigger clothes, and I ate whatever I was hungry for. This time in my life was toward the end of college when I was working full time and going to school full time and in a horrible relationship with someone who lacked self worth or any inkling of motivation. Well, I guess I can understand my aversion to a scale. It’s funny but I don’t remember weighing between 190 and 290- its’ like I can’t envision a scale with those numbers on it, probably because I didn’t see on during the time.
So, there was no one moment when my life turned for the worst. Junior and Senior years of high school were rough, and I was always busy with a club or activity. Senior year I quit sports to persue acting more, and that lack of activity in the fall could have jolted my system back a little. Adding the fact that no one excersises in college unless it means walking to class or the pizza parlor. Then post college, I was poor and could only afford Romen and bread- not a good combination for a hefty lady like myself. I guess my down – hill battle doesn’t seem so uncanny when I look at it in perspective like this. It is NO wonder I am 150lbs over weight (100 lbs from goal): I wasn't taking care of myself in in ANY way. Things are about to drastically change.

I decided in November of 2007 that I needed to make a big change in order to get the things I want in life. I did way too much research and put in countless hours trying to find the perfect gym and the perfect eating habits. I ended up signing up with the perfect gym (thank God!) The day before Valentines Day. I have a personal trainers who is willing and able to kick my ass every step of the way. I will be working on strength training with her 2 days a week, but cardio is all me. Right now I am highly motivated; but I am certain there will be road blocks along the way. I have to keep reminded myself that there are not going to be any instant results. I didn't gain it all in one night- I won't lose it that way. So, I am hopeful that this blog will help me along my weight-loss journey. I can use all the encouragement in the world right now! I hope this blog will be a perfect inlet for that!

More soon, very soon,
Phat Teacher

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Can't sleep: my first post

Greetings and welcome to my blog.
I woke up this morning with no intentions of having a weight loss blog, but by the end of the night, here I am typing away trying to make sense of it all.
It's currently 11:26 pm and I have to be awake at 5:30am. I should have been asleep 2 hours ago but for some reason, I can't seem to drift off into the lovely world of dreams.

I decided to write a blog in lue of all the weight loss blogs I found in my google search this evening. It seems there are hundreds if not thousands of women (and men) who are in my exact position and who blog about their weight loss ritualistically. If it is helping them, why not try it?

I don't know how often I will able to post. I also don't know what I will put in my post nor if anyone will even read this blog but me. I hope someone does. I hope to chart my success here and perhaps motivate even one person to put the pizza down and realize they deserve more than temporary happiness. I will be sure to get more into my own personal story in my next post (when I have more time). Right now, I need to force myself to sleep because if I don't, I will be a fire-breathing-diva-dragon in the morning (and let's face it- nobody likes her!)

Sweet dreams,
Phat Teacher