Ramblings of a Phat Teacher

There is so much I should be doing right now but I would much rather sit in front of this laptop and ramble on about weightloss issues. Since my eating, excersising and weight consume every ounce of my life, I think it's acceptable to spend a moment blogging about it.

I am excited that I am down 2.5 more lbs. I was scared because Memorial Day felt like a grazing period. Though I didn't eat anything bad I felt so off balance because there was no structure to what time I ate my meals. I realized today that I really rely on having a routine to my eating (as it should be) and that's quite exciting.

My clothes are falling off and I have had to reach into the deep beyond of my closet to find old stuff that I can squeeze into. Here's hoping I don't split any of my old skirts down the middle since they don't offically fit just yet, but it's better than holding my pants up all day with the fear of people seeing my bright maroon undies (yikes!) Speaking of which, even they are loose! I need to hit up a thrift store soon to find some new threads!

I hope you all are doing fabulously! I hope you didn't get too off track with the holiday. Stay focused and press on! If it's a lifestyle change one day isn't going to kill you :-)

Phat Teacher

Fat Girl Likes Cute(skinny) Guy Syndrome

Okay, so here is one example of a situation I will not miss once I complete my journey from FAT to FABULOUS: Fat Girl likes Cute(skinny) guy Syndrome. Better known as the all too common FGLC(s)GY. Let me explain, for those of you who call this uncomfortable situation something else:
There is a cute, skinny teacher who I have been crushin' on all year. He and I have carried on some great conversations and I actually thought we were growing closer as colleagues, perhaps friends, perhaps husband and wife (record scratches in background...Whoops! did I type that out loud?) Anyway, I convinced myself that he could possibly entertain the idea of spending time with me (even at this heavy weight) and it is these cunning mental skills that have lead me into a fools paradise, as they say. As the FG(fat girl) who likes the C(s)G I let myself be fooled into doing something for him just to prove to him that I was worthy of his attention. I can't believe this happened too, since I have been doing so well to boost my self confidence. Anyway, I told him I would help him out because he "had to go work on the football team website and it was the only time he could do it." I of course say yes! Why wouldn't I help this delicious specimen? Well today, my kindness (ehem, infatuation) blew up in my face! I found out that he was working on said website with a new teacher....a new, blonde, skinny, and might I had beautiful teacher. I had to do his job so he could go schmooze with some hottie? This is totally FGLC(s)G syndrome! As a FG I am letting myself be used by men who know they will never give me the time of day....but still insist upon wasting my time to go spend time with another (FREAKING SKINNY) woman.

Am I alone here? Do any of you have FG syndrome stories to share? Post a blog about it and let me know so I can read (and smile) and get angry at that cute skinny bastard right along with you!

Ladies, whatever size we are we deserve to be respected and treated equally. So, even though I am 63 lbs away from goal, I am going to start getting my mind right and STOP giving in to any cutie in tight pants and a coaches shirt (we all have our weaknesses). I encourage you to wake up, and recognize that even though you aren't skinny and fabulous, YOU ARE FABULOUS and really, that's the part that counts!!!!!

Remember, I want to hear your stories!
Phat Teacher

Feeling out of the loop

My weightloss efforts are going well but I can't help but feel a little down today. I worked out hard core then came home and napped and just woke up 3 hours later to a lot of missed calls and missed opportunities to fellowship with my friends. I feel worn out and exhausted but also sad because I am missing dinner with friends and that's something I really wanted to participate in. I am in a blah mood now.

Phat Teacher

32 down....

Greetings all,
I hope your weeks are going well! I can't believe its almost MAY!

After my last post I realized that I needed to fix my insides just as much as I am working on the outside. So, I enlisted the help of God and my trainer. Though 1 of those is enough, it just so happens that I am paying my trainer to help me with my goals so I should put her to work as well. Low and behold she has been a HUGE boost in my motivation by sending me an e-card, calling me to let me know she cares and by sending me an article on Spark People about positive thoughts. I joined SP today and can't wait to get more plugged in to positive messages from other highly motivated people. I also bought Joining the Thin Club and am reading it as we speak. I have lost 10% of my body weight and according to the book that means I am already in the thin club...who knew?

I realize that my goals are TOTALLY possible and I WILL reach them this time and stay at that weight for the rest of my life (until I have children, in which case I will inevitably gain weight- but I will get right back down that scale after they pop out)! Bottom line, I am working out my emotions and mental junk 7 days a week and I know this time, I am going to take care of the issues that "weigh" me down and become the woman I am meant to be.

I can't wait to meet her........

Phat Teacher :-)

A little voice

So, I am really blogging just to blog right now. Things are good but I really don't have the mental energy to put my life into verse, at present.

I have dropped 29 lbs and for some reason I got very geeked today at the gym over a 29lb loss- more geeked than 25. I am really starting to have faith in myself and my trainer is SO proud I can't help but be proud as well. I am happy with my progress and satisfied with what I have accomplished thus far....but why is the devil in the back of my mind trying to tell me this is all a dream and I am going to go back to my old ways any day now? I am realizing more each day that this is a MENTAL battle, almost more than a physical one.

What are your thoughts?


Phat Teacher

The Weight of my mother

It's amazing how down my mother can make me feel. It's no wonder I have (scratch that) HAD a weight problem. It's no wonder I don't want to tell her I have a trainer. It's no wonder I feel insecure, even when I know I shouldn't: nothing is EVER good enough for her. In her world, NO ONE can EVER make ammends and change their ways. What a tangled web.

She called to see how I was doing and spent the entire time typing a paper for my father. She told me to keep my fat clothes because I "never know when I will need them." She insisted on putting my credit report and past decision down, numerous times. She overall made me feel like crap, without much effort on her end. I don't get it!

I moved away from my family because we didn't have the best relationship and I felt like I needed to stake out my own life. I left familiarity, friends, and comfort. For a while, I thought it was a foolish mistake, but only recently am I realizing I made the right move. I love my family; they are my blood. However, we do have our differences (which is normal....i think?!?)

Nothing I do will ever please my mother. No matter how far I come with this weightloss, my job, or anything else I accomplish she will still only remember the mistakes and errors that caused her so much grief. How about me? I grieved too! Why do you think I ate myself into a size 26? Because no matter how much I tried she wouldn't care; I would always be FAT. My grandmother never showed affection toward my mother, which in turn translates into our sordid relationship. She has only said she was proud of me twice; once was through an email when I graduated from college. She hasn't been to visit me once since I moved here to Florida..."money is tight" she says. I can understand that...but it doesn't make me hurt any less. I know that if my brother moved 1000 miles away she would be there within the first month- if not the first week. I know that no matter how many mistakes he makes, he will always be the favorite. Is it my fault she had me at a young age? Is it my fault she had to raise me at the same time she was growing up? NO- but I pay for it everytime I talk to her.

TODAY it stops. Today I realize that what I have accomplished so far is pretty damn amazing, and no matter how smug she is, I WILL NOT feel insignificant. Because I am important; I am special; and I am worthy of love and affection. And when I lose this weight, when I finally let go of this demon that has literally weighed me down for too long; I will finally know what it's like to be proud of MYSELF, regardless of how she feels. I have God's love and the love of my friends. I know I will never be able to please her and as much as that hurts, I can't carry her bruden any longer, dammit! I can't feel sorry for myself anymore. I wont....or else I will be stuck in this oversized body forever.

Phew- sorry about that! Had to get it off my chest. Perhaps this will help with my next weigh-in! How much does mother-stress weigh? A good 50lbs, right?

Phat Teacher

Bag Lady

Greetings fellow weight-loss adventurers,

Happy, happy, happy Friday!

I don't think I have ever been this elated to see a Friday arrive. This was our first week back to work after Spring Break and I can honestly say it felt like the longest week of my life. I physically felt crampy (but no TOM) which translated into my emotional slump. I can't really explain why I felt so dumpy this week, but I did. So, my workout on Wednesday was a little weak (still 50 minutes though), and my social life was lacking since I wanted to jump and hide in bed at every free minute. I felt a little shut off from society, and to top it off, my students were resistant to learn this week (SURPRISE, SURPRISE). Oh well, the week is over! My trainer met with me today to make up for a day she missed last week and that workout rocked! I felt great after it and I think I literally kicked myself out of the funk I was in this week. How did I resolve these issues before? FOOD; which we all know is only a temporary and fattening fix. It's amazing how much life can change with a simple decision; something has to change!

My clothes are baggy, almost too baggy. I found myself pulling my pants up every 5 minutes yesterday and though this is encouraging, what am I going to do in this in between time (now until 100 lbs)? What are your plans? I would love to hear :-)

Thanks for all your support gang! I appreciate your comments and motivation!

Hope you're having a great week,
Phat Teacher